id be glad to
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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