Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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