the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
