I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
