she kept yelling 'call me bella'
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
