yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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