she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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