Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
