Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
