She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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