Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
