Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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