I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
