I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
