Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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