my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
