Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
