You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
