You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
