Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
