so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
