I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
