i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
