idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
