sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
