My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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