That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
