Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
