Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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