Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
