Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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