Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
