remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
