Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
