There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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