I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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