I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
