Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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