I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
