I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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