i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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