I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
