In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
