I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
