Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
