Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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