Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
well you can't waste a boner
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize