Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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