well I can't set my house on fire every night
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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