You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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