Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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