I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize