I'm eating all of the evidence.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
