ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
