Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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