mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
