I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
