I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
