Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
