I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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