My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
