Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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