she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
