just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
