If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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