? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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