Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
