I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
