I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
