You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize